I am continuing to post about my strange path into the homeschool groups in my area. I am doing it because since returning to the States I have really struggled to find my way. What I gain from these postings I don't know, except being more forthright in my journey.
Not to long ago I invited a homeschooler I met at a local ice rink into my home for tea, as she was new to homeschooling and said she was secretly hiding the fact she believes in evolution. Our visit was very eye opening. After speaking together for a while about fitting in with the local homeschool group, several interesting conversations came out about the way I decorate my home. I thought I would share them as I truly wonder how many others out there would feel the same.
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| The first room you see when you enter my home is my dining room which is to the left of the front door. My guest informed me that inviting certain homeschoolers to my house would have them very upset due to my decor. I was told that in the homeschooling group having a room decorated with alcohol was not appropriate. |
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| Later that week I spoke to a very dear friend of mine who reminded me that Jesus turned water into wine in the Bible...I know this but I am not very good with coming up with these things on the spur of the moment:( My friend also let me know there are people who believe the wine in the bible was really grape juice... |
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| I have 2 pictures of wine bottles: one from VA where my husband and I lived and where we got married and this may shock some people, I guess, but we were married at a local Virginia Vineyard and it was beautiful |
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| This one is from Napa Valley that we picked up while on vacation there years ago--I felt compelled to inform my guest that my husband and I are not drinkers. But we have been known to have a glass of wine at dinner occasionally. |
Another decorating tip given was about my decor in my living room. My guest pointed out the figurines I had on a display shelf.
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| On these shelves are figurines that my husband and I picked up while traveling or were gifts from friends who live overseas. Here you can see statues of Buddha, Hindu Gods Ganesha, Durga, and Brahma, Cambodian Apsara dancers, and a few things from a friend sent from Thailand, Burma, and Vietnam. |
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| On the next shelf are items my husband has picked up from his travels in Africa. I don't believe any of them are of a religious nature |
I have never considered these things as idols, only figurines from our many travels. I pointed out to my guest that we don't worship these things that they are only mementos of our world travels. Again I was told that even having them in my house would indicate to some local homeschoolers that we were not true followers as all idols are bad.
Other then these conversations the visit went well, I think. We did talk about many other topics but these two topics continue, after several weeks, to fester in my mind. Even after talking to my husband and both of us agreeing that we will not be redecorating our home to suit anyone else's beliefs, this is still greatly bothering me.
Last week while at an art class, my daughter was sitting at a table filled with older homeschooled kids when the creationist debate began. I was so proud of her when she politely and calmly spoke up stating "I believe in evolution and can we please change the subject since this is such a hot topic to debate right now" While the kids got momentarily quiet they did change the subject. At the table where I was sitting I saw a few mother purse their lips in disapproval. I will be very curious to see what happens next week and where some of those children will be sitting, cause I have a feeling it won't be next to my child. I am already beginning to discuss this possible scenario with her.
I do not intend to turn my homeschooling blog into my personal spiritual journey, but if something comes up that is related to homeschooling I will post about it. I think this post qualifies as it is my struggle of fitting in our local homeschooling groups.
Oi vey! I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I can't believe how conservative your area is! I'd probably lose my mind!
ReplyDeleteI am told their are other groups out there but I haven't been able to lock on to one yet...still working on it
DeleteSeriously!!! I hope you can find a group that is not so judgmental. Those are some extreme people in your area!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the secular resources links you sent. I am meeting up with my first group this Friday yeah!!!
DeleteYou are a beacon of sanity my dear. Its great that you are writing this all up, it makes it all sound so silly when put into perspective doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteMy DS says to tell you he has a statue of Bastet in his room, and he doesn't worship it. He also said he has a model canopic jar, and doesn't intent to keep his organs in it!!!!!!
Thanks my dear friend, we miss you and England so much
DeleteWell, you know my feeling on evolution, but the decorating tips??
ReplyDeleteSheesh. That's just uncouth.
I mean if you asked her ( which I'm sure you didn't) "Geez, can you think of any reason why ppl just don't accept my family and me after getting to know us and visiting our home??" and she told you this stuff about the wine and the statues, even THEN, that's wrong. You just don't do that,
And as for the conservative comments your friends above me here made, I live in a severely, sickeningly liberal area and still, the HSers around here are extremely extremely creationist in their views. We are the only ones who do not believe that the earth is 6K yo. who HS that we know. AND we are completely shunned bc of it. One mother told me she would pray for my soul bc I was leading my family down a path away from God? I wanted to say, Listen honey, I don't turn my back on scientific proof, carbon dating and the fossil record...I mean how small minded can you be to assume that thos who believe in evolution are anti Christian??
But instead I thought, you know what? We are outta here. Not doing anything with these ppl any more,. Done.
So I just said, "Well, thank you I appreciate all the prayers anyone offers up for me."
And then we LEFT.
Right now we only do music and orchestra with this group and there is no socialization time at all in that schedule.We only stayed with them to get a good deal on violin lessons and to be a part of the orchestra, The conductor ( who happens to be Orthodox Jewish!! I think we need to get HIM to talk sense to these Christians!! )is amazing,
My older son will be in school next year and I am hoping that my younger son will be a part of an active youth theater group ( which inc all, schooled, HSed, etc) . Bc honestly, HSed families are just strange.
And I say that AS a HSer for almost 10 years. So I can;t see how anyone could be offended by that,
Anyway, another insanely long comment here! Sorry.
And good for your dd!!
sigh
Hang in there!!
Love
C
Sorry to hear you go thru this too, I am really struggling with the kinds of christians who don't practice who the bible preaches which is love in everything you say and do. It amazes me that some are so unkind and still claim they are Christians.
DeleteThis is very interesting. I would not have thought a second about the items you mention, except to be impressed by the items from all over the world. As you know, although I am a Christian, I believe that to lead a Christian life is to embrace everyone (Love thy neighbor as thyself) no matter what they believe or what they have in their homes. I am blessed to know you through the blog world and I think you have brought up a very interesting point.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words...that is all I am looking for more accepting Christians that understand that the most important thing is LOVE. I am still searching for the right people in my area.
DeleteOmg, seriously?? Your house looks beautiful, and if the homeschoolers in your area don't like it / can't accept your decor as just that, then I think you are better off without them!! I'm beyond speechless at even the thought of judging someone by the pictures on their walls!! Come back to England..................love, strength and cyber hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Susie, if my husband could get a job back in England we would be moving in a split second. We miss it terribly and homeschooling in England is so much more calmer and less structured, I miss that approach
DeleteI'm going to start sending positive thoughts out to the universe for you - i'm thinking you might like Chichester! How cool would that be, we could hang out :-)
DeleteFirst - I think your daughter did a fantastic job with her comments in her difficult situation.
ReplyDeleteThis post really hit home for me. It sounds like your struggles have much more to do with fitting in than house decoration. My very Catholic neighbor back in Colorado, who I love, introduced me to homeschooling. She was very welcoming as was her homeschooling group. However, after attending several park days and other events, it became clear, that I was in the wrong place. Each time I met someone new from the group the first question they asked was "What church do you go to?"
It takes extra effort for homeschooling families and kids to make friends because we don't spend hours per day in the same room with other same-aged children. So it can feel like a slap in the face when our efforts are rewarded negatively.
Although homeschooling is growing in popularity, I believe a high percentage choose to do so for religious reasons. There primary goal is religious, and their secondary goal is education. A lesser percentage choose to homeschool for educational reasons. In many instances, these differences in philosophy are just too different to get past and they inhibit friendship growth.
Back in Colorado, I sought a homeschooling group which was open to people of all faiths. Although there were many Christian families in the group, their main purpose for homeschooling was education based and not religion based. Being an outsider was alright for the short term. The people were nice, and I saw how they balanced education, social events and field trips. They definitely had some good ideas, but our fundamental differences in philosophy were too much. If that group wasn't available it would have been much more difficult, but I think it would have been better to be alone than feel everyday that I was doing something incorrect.
One last thing - my friend here has a brilliant strategy for making friends. She offers classes which target specific aged kids. For example, she offered a "make a potato shooter" class or something like that. So a ton of boys aged 9-13 signed up and her son made a bunch of friends. Next she offered a sew a dress to match your doll class. Here 7-10 year old daughters came away with a bunch of new friends from that one.
Making friends is difficult, but it only takes a few good friends. Keep looking. They are out there!
I
Thanks Julie, I am still searching to met the right type of people, I know I will find them eventually. I agreed with more homeschool for religious reasons but I just never thought it would be so mean spirited as it appears in my area. I struggle with that the most...the unkindness :(
DeleteI always laugh at the people who say it was grape juice, so did Noah get drunk off of grape juice? Or, if we're going to limit it to the New Testament, there's enough passages that make it very clear that it was wine, not grape juice.
ReplyDeleteThese would be the people giving homeschoolers a bad name, and why everyone thinks we're all weird people who wear denim jumpers and our boys only wear button down shirts and long pants. And whatever other strange stereotypes you can come up with.
So you have heard the grape juice thing before...I have to say that was a new one for me:). I truly don't care what anyones beliefs are I just want to find people who want to educate kids in a kind and exciting way:) I have worked with those who don't believe and those who are of completely different faith than me and we always managed to get along and it never mattered cause we all agreed our kids education was the most important things
DeleteI feel sad about this situation with the homeschooling group. Just tonight we had a RS meeting for our church and the discussion was centered around a children's book that we were to read before we came. It is called, "100 Dresses". The story was about not fitting in. We had a great lesson about not judging and having our heart more opened towards those we meet. Education should be the first priority in homeschooling group. It interesting that decor would be a problem.
ReplyDeleteSorry and blessings for you all!
Thanks LeAnn, I have been pleasantly surprise by all the nice comments because I was beginning to wonder if more people thought this way than I realized. I am teaching my kids to love everyone, judging is Gods job:)
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